Top 10 Funniest Legal Tales

1. The Heroic Act

In the dead of night, Bob discovers a burglar breaking into his warehouse.

He promptly calls the police. The voice on the other end informs him that they can't intervene immediately as there are no officers in the area.

Bob hangs up, waits a moment, then calls back:

– Hello! I'm the one who called you a minute ago about a burglar breaking into my home. You don't need to come now because I've shot him dead.

– Minutes later, a fleet of police cars descends on Bob's house, including helicopters and police dogs. They easily apprehend the burglar.

– An officer asks Bob: Earlier you claimed to have shot him dead, didn't you?

– Bob replies: Yes! Earlier, you also told me there were no officers in this area.

2. The Clever Lawyer
A young lawyer, in the early days of his practice, finds himself in court representing a fire company against a young boy who's been injured by one of their engines. The lawsuit is brought to court because the accident has left the boy's arm so disabled he can no longer raise it above his head. The young lawyer handles the cross-examination with remarkable calm and effectiveness.

– Hey, boy – the lawyer says – your arm was injured in that accident, wasn't it?

– Yes sir! – The boy replies.

– And now you can't raise your arm up high, can you?

– No sir!

– Would you please – The lawyer speaks very gently – Show the jury once again how far you can raise your arm since the accident?

The boy struggles to raise his arm, managing only to lift it to shoulder height. The lawyer continues with an innocent demeanor:

– So before the accident, how high could you raise your arm?

And the boy's arm shoots straight up above his head.

1. Thinking of Dad

The court asked a defendant:

- When committing the robbery, did you not think of your old and weak father?

- Your Honor, I did, but I didn't see anything suitable for him in that store.

2. Making Headlines

Two thieves were talking:

- Hey, why do I see many people who aren't famous actors or singers still making headlines?

- What section are they in?

- Oh, the “Good Samaritan” section.

- You're asking nonsense! They get in the paper if they contribute to society.

- I also want to get in the paper!

- Are you crazy? You want to get in the paper for committing robbery!

- So do you have a way to help me get in the paper?

- It's not that hard! Just commit a few robberies, murders, kidnappings for ransom, sooner or later you'll be in the paper.

- What paper?

- The…”Police Gazette”.

1.Distance

- You're the only witness to the robbery. How far were you from the criminals when you heard the first gunshot?

- About 2 meters, Your Honor!

- And the second gunshot?

- Oh! By then, I was far, far away.

2.Misunderstanding

- Judge: 'Why did you have to steal that car?'

- Thief: 'Because the car was parked next to a cemetery, so I thought its owner had passed away!'

1.Like Houses, Like People

The police questioned a suspect:

– Why did you sneak into someone else's house late at night?

– It's a newly built apartment building, all the houses look the same. I was too drunk and went into the wrong house.

– Then why did you run when you saw the lady stepping out?

– Oh, I thought she was my wife.

2.The Witness

The judge asked the defendant:

– Why do you deny being at the scene of the crime when 20 witnesses insist they saw you there?

– Your Honor, I could bring in hundreds of witnesses who never saw me there.

1.Everyone Says That

The defendant tried to defend himself:

- Your Honor, I'm completely innocent.

- Yes, everyone says that.

- See, haven't you noticed, if everyone says that then it must be true!!!

2.Ready to Help

A lawyer failed to prove his client innocent in a painting theft case. He felt remorseful and tried to console the defendant.

- Almost there, after my term is up, I'm ready to help if you need it.

- The defendant looked at the lawyer skeptically: You? Do you also find my profession more lucrative than being a lawyer?

1.Iron Bars

A prisoner asked the prison warden:

- Why are there two layers of iron bars on the windows here?

- To ensure double security.

- Ridiculous, who would want to break in here to steal anyway!

2.Stealing… Instant Noodles Too

After stealing money from the homeowner, the thief also took several packs of instant noodles to... prepare for hunger. At the end of the interrogation, the judge spent a lot of time clarifying the reason for the defendant's noodle theft, making everyone in the court unable to hold back laughter:

- Now, defendant, answer sincerely why did you steal instant noodles?

- No... the defendant intended to steal the money only.

- Fine, but the record clearly states it. Besides stealing money, you also took five packs of instant noodles from the homeowner. Where did you find instant noodles to steal?

- Uh... at the place the defendant stole from was a grocery store, Your Honor.

- Answer the question, why steal money from the homeowner and take several packs of instant noodles?

- Your Honor, because the defendant was afraid of getting hungry after stealing and returning home, as there was nothing to eat in the defendant's rented room...

1.Quietly, Smoothly

The defendant absolutely refused to plead guilty. He explained:

- Your Honor, in this case, I was sincerely just trying to make everything quiet and smooth.

The judge sarcastically replied: Indeed? Then please explain why you hit the plaintiff so hard that he fainted for an hour.

- I'm surprised by your misunderstanding. If I hadn't been forceful like that, how could we avoid noise and uproar?

2.Corruption in Anti-corruption

A procurement officer asked the sign maker:

- A sign with the content: Workers of Company X. steadfastly fight against corruption! How much for large font size?

- Sir, it's 150 thousand dong for the whole package.

- Good, proceed, tomorrow I'll take it, issue a full payment invoice for 300 thousand dong!

1.Just Verdict

The judge entered the courtroom, banged the gavel, and said: 'Before I deliver the verdict, I want to announce that the defendant's lawyer has given me $15,000 to steer the case in his favor.'

- Oh, really? - Dozens of people in the courtroom murmured.

The judge continued:

- Meanwhile, the plaintiff's lawyer has given me $10,000 to steer it her way.

The courtroom fell silent.

- Therefore, to avoid rendering unjust verdicts and ensure fairness in the trial, I propose to return $5,000 to the defendant. Does anyone have any objections?

2.Aiding the Accusation

The phone rang at the police station:

- Someone named Tom at 7 Abbey Street is hiding drugs in his firewood stack.

- We'll be right there!

- The police officers arrived at Tom's house, searched everywhere, split every piece of firewood, but found no drugs. When they left, the phone rang at Tom's house: So, Tom? Did they split the firewood for you?

- Yes, they did!

- Excellent. Now, call them over to my place! I need to dig up the garden a bit.

1.Double Mistake

An elderly, plump lady emerged from the supermarket to find several young men sitting in her car.

Immediately, she opened her purse, pulled out a hefty rolling pin, cocked it, aimed straight at them, and yelled: You rascals! Get out before I crack all your skulls!

The thieves bolted. The lady struggled to put the key in the ignition, only to realize her car was parked a short distance away. As she drove to the end of the street, she spotted a police car carrying the thieves. She honked and reversed.

Muttering to herself: Police these days are efficient! Before I could even report it, they've nabbed them all!

2.The Lawyer's Charade

A lawyer, fresh with his license, promptly rented an office. Amidst ongoing renovations, he dove into work. On the second day, a visitor arrived. The lawyer, catching sight, picked up the desk phone and said:

- Hello! Hello! I'm very busy, can't chat long with you. Without 5 'bottles,' I can't help you.

Having said that, he turned to the visitor: “Now, please go ahead and talk. If you need anything, I'm here to assist you.”

The visitor chuckled: “Sir, I'm from the phone company. I'm here to install your office's landline.”

1.Lawyers at the Restaurant

Two lawyers, exhausted after a court session, stepped into a restaurant and ordered drinks, each pulling out a loaf of bread from their bags to munch on.

The waiter promptly reminded:

- Dear customers, our establishment has a rule written on the other side: “We provide lunch service. Kindly refrain from consuming outside food on the premises.”

The two lawyers graciously thanked the waiter, exchanged loaves of bread, and continued to enjoy their meal.

2.Worthwhile Words

Two boys were bragging about their fathers. The first one said: “My dad just needs to say a word, and the court reduces a prisoner's sentence by 5 years.”

The second one responded:

– Well, my dad's word is so powerful that the prisoner doesn't spend a single day in jail.

– What does your dad say?

– He requests the death penalty.– !!!!!